One of my most popular Self-Power® presentations to corporations and associations carries this title. My first question to my audience is “What is the difference between talking and communicating”. Some of the responses I get are: “Listening”, “It takes two to communicate”, “One person talks, then the other person talks”, “Speaking clearly and distinctly”. All these statements are valid and make sense to the individuals that share them. However, by the time the presentation is over, they have a totally different definition and process for successful communication.
Most of us learned something about the Communication Cycle somewhere along our path in search of knowledge and enlightenment. We were told that all communication consisted of a Sender, a Message and a Receiver. Sounds pretty simple doesn´t it? Well then why is miscommunication so prevalent? My experience has been that we are leaving out a very important piece of the communication cycle and that piece is “FEEDBACK”.
Think about the Telephone game that you played as a child, where the first person whispered something to the second, then the second to the third and so on. No one was permitted to ask any questions and when the last person in line repeated the statement out loud, it had no resemblance to what the first person had said. Everyone had great fun with this game, but now that we´re all grown up, not sending or receiving the correct message is not so funny. In fact, miscommunication accounts for a large percentage of problems in relationships, both on a personal and a professional level. If we acknowledge that Feedback is the key to successful communication, the next question is, who is responsible for providing that Feedback? Here my audience usually splits in two, some say the Receiver while others say the Sender. Well, the fact is that both the Sender and the Receiver are responsible for including Feedback in the communication. The Sender of the Message should request Feedback to insure that the message is being received and understood as they wish it to be. The Receiver of the Message should offer Feedback to confirm that their understanding of the message is accurate. I once worked for a man who always said to me “What you understand, is what you understand”. In other words, just because you understand what you are saying, in the manner that you are saying it, doesn´t guarantee that someone else will understand it that way.
One person´s interpretation of a message and another person´s interpretation may be totally different. It´s no wonder we sometimes get into trouble when we talk. Including Feedback in the communication cycle has been a great help to many of my students, both in business and in their home life. It works wonders with children of all ages. The few minutes that it takes to process Feedback, may save hours of additional work and frustration. Some of the phrases you may use are: “What I hear you saying, is”, then repeat what your interpretation is; “My understanding is”; “Am I making myself clear? Can you please explain how you will handle this?”; “Would you like me to clarify anything I´ve just said?”.
This presentation usually lasts four (4) hours, so I could write much more. But it is now time for me to stop and request your FEEDBACK as to whether you want more information on communicating.
Dot
Contact Dot with any questions or comments.
